[Read] ➲ Vixen in Velvet Author Fern Michaels – Agedanna.info

Vixen in Velvet She Embarked On A Life Of Deception And Unexpected Passion Aristocratic Breeding And Virtue Could Not Save Beautiful And Adventurous Tori Rawlings From A Repugnant Marriage To Escape Her Betrothed, She Exchanged Identities With A Tavern Wench And Found Herself In League With A Band Of Brigands And At The Mercy Of Scarblade, The Most Notorious Highwayman In EnglandVixen In Velvet Is Vintage Fern Michaels An Unforgettable Novel Of A Young Woman S Surrender To Excitement Darker Than She D Ever Imagined And A Love Passionate Than She D Ever Known Abandon brains all ye who pick up this book.There are some books, which are so bad that there are considered good On the other hand, there are books which are so bad that they cannot even be considered to be ridiculous, absurd, stupid, idiotic, completely brainless, and totally unreadable.Nevertheless, we waste many of our precious moments going through such books, hoping against hope that there is possibly some redeeming feature or some justifiable reason why the author wrote it.This book comes in this category.Fern Michaels spent about six months writing this book I think she then got it published by a vanity publisher because no good publishing house would publish such drivel That B grade publishing house who could not afford a proofreader or an editor published this book It took me 20 minutes to understand that this book was definitely not like the curate s egg, good in parts.One copy was sold It was left by an exasperated reader, on her passenger s seat, when she got off at her station As I was the next lucky passenger to grab that seat, and there was still two hours for me to reach my destination I decided, what the heck, let us read this author.Attention idiot alert.We do not know who is the idiot here The author who thought this story up when she was high on Ritalin There must be some justification for the premises of this story Or perhaps she takes us for credulous idiots who think that any of these characters in this absurd novel are remotely amusing.Or is it the editor, who does not know the difference between wiggle and wriggle The heroine wiggles out of her dress The only wiggling, of which I know was done by two little ducks in the Walt Disney Aristocats So how does chapter 1 start Family going back after some entertainment to their home in a carriage at night Father is totally poverty stricken, his lands have been confiscated by the crown that is why he has decided to sell his daughter to one of his cronies, a confirmed Lech.The female is 23 years old, blonde, and green eyed Interesting, how she has not managed to get married yet, even though she is so beautiful and of good blood But wait, she is an idiot It is explained away on page 15, she makes statements, without thinking because there is the devil in her mouth.HUHH This is how our line of talk goes this is the 18th century Husbands do not hit their wives Alas, they do, even in the 21st century.Then there is this cousin who is a parasite living on his uncle s bounty His name is Granger Lipid He is the son of Sir Lipid and I presume Lady Lipid Lucky she does not have cousins named Fairbanks Gas, Flynn Liquid, Ladd Solid, or any other Hollywood ian name followed by a chemical biological term.His conversation is also very entertaining There is a highway man out here He is very handsome His face is marked with S He is called Scarsword So how did that particular highwayman get his scar The writer explains that he was dallying with an Austrian aristocrat s wife, and stood there, allowing himself to get a Heidelberg scar, in a duel, fought with the irate husband So we have two pages of women like to be robbed by him They want to be robbed by him They let it be known in certain quarters that they want to be robbed by him, and he comes and robs them a second time All this information is supposed to be entertaining talk for the ladies while traveling.The heroine who is named Victoria immediately turns her cat yellow eyes hey, were not they green in the first page, to her cousin and begins, I want to be robbed, I would like to be robbed, I need to be robbed and stupid drivel of that sort.Stand and deliver Out jumps the heroine yelling, you cannot rob me I am not going to give you my father s purse, I am not going to give you my emerald ring given to me by my beloved betrothed The ring is in my pocket I will not allow you to rob me The totally deaf mother pipes up she does not have a ring, she does not have a bethrothed But I do, I do, I do, pick me up on your horse, and take the ring out of my pocket And keep it, until I ask for it from you, next time we meet The hero with his coal black eyes note the eyes takes the ring from her hand, and disappears into the dusk.Two minutes later, and a couple of paragraphs later his eyes turn brown Three minutes later they turned licorice brown, and ebony while Victoria s green eyes turn into Amber, golden brown, golden yellow, cat yellow, golden green The color of the hero s hair, blue I presume.Interesting how all those dumb aristocrats allow themselves to be robbed by a highway man, with this scar upon his face, and with absolutely no mask, and do not associate him with an scarred American colonial, who has been moving In High Society Well, this is just chapter 1.Chapter 2 More Stupidity AheadThe father tells the girl, you have to marry the letch He is rich and I am poor Give your word as a Christian unquote that you are not going to run away.She is being fitted for her wedding dress and the dressmaker says, hey, do you know, that there is a tavern wench in one of the sleazy taverns in the city, who looks just like you I told you that this was a ridiculous story So this female wiggles into her ermine cape and tells her cousin all right, cousin, take me to that particular tavern where that tavern wench can be invited to take my place at the altar No way says the cousin Yes way , says Victoria, and I can pay you handsomely Here is my mom s ruby and diamond necklace Totally deaf Mom is sitting half sleepy at the breakfast table, thinking to herself, did I dream that Victoria borrowed my Ruby and diamond necklace last night Anyway, why is this woman going into the stews of London wearing costly ermine She knows that there is a possibility that she is going to be robbed So she wants to go dressed her best She informs us this via the writer.The cousin introduces himself to the serving wench with a Hllo Ms Dolly flower, I am Granger Lipid And receives an answer that Dolly is not into three somes.A little bit of negotiation and Victoria takes the place of the tavern whore and the tavern wench marries the letch in her place On the wedding bed, having played plenty of her experienced Waterloo Road tricks on her bridegroom, who notices that his bride s eyes have turned to gray, instead of green, he asks her, who are you, I love you I really cannot continue Not any There is absolutely no redeeming feature in this book I decide to open the middle of the page, and read a couple of paragraphs there The heroine is sick and keeps calling for dear Granger, darling Granger When she is wide awake, she considers her cousin an idiot And I am still an idiot, reading this silly book.Open still further on the hero decides that he has to rob King George s carts taking taxes to the treasury In the dead of winter, with blizzards coming on That is when the money is going to be shifted.Open the last page, just before I throw this book out of the window Let it never be said that I had never finished the book The hero is telling the heroine , you let the jailer R You, so that you could get me out of jail Gag gag gag This is the sort of female who is being forced by one of the hero s cutthroats, and the hero rescues her Do not soil your hands with his blood, says she It seems according to this writer, it is justified for a woman to allow herself to be despoiled and not seek any sort of revenge.I told you that this book is totally intolerable There should be a genre called ABSURD in which books like this can be placed 25 precious minutes of my life have been wasted reading this So I open the window and shuck it out At least I am preventing some other passenger after me from suffering an apopleptic nosebleed, through getting irate at such stupidity, which dear Sirs is not in nature.ConclusionAnyone who intends to read Fern Michaels can do so at her own peril Badly written, badly edited, why do people even think that such books are interesting to read Really hard to get into but great story once it picked up.

About the Author: Fern Michaels

Fern Michaels isn t a person I m not sure she s an entity either since an entity is something with separate existence Fern Michaels is what I DO Me, Mary Ruth Kuczkir Growing up in Hastings, Pennsylvania, I was called Ruth I became Mary when I entered the business world where first names were the order of the day To this day, family and friends call me Dink, a name my father gave me when I

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